By now you are well aware that effective communication with yourself truly changes your life. You can also affect powerful change in the dynamics of your relationships simply by changing how you communicate with others. Good communication arises out of the way we talk, how we listen to others, and what our body language says – and it focuses on understanding things from the other person’s perspective, not who is right or wrong and assigning blame. Communication is truly the key for success in all your relationships. In order for you to have healthy relationships, you need to make sure your communication is open, honest, non-judgmental, and is focused on understanding what it feels like to be the other person. Improve the way you communicate with others over the next few weeks through the following steps:
1. Ask Questions! You cannot read the minds of others, and they cannot read yours. The only way to truly understand what a person means when they say something, what their underlying need is, and the perspective they are coming from is to ask them! The best teacher teaches by asking questions, and the best students learn by questioning answers.
2. Speak Less, Listen More Most people prefer to talk rather than listen to someone else talk. You need to be aware of your attempts to dominate and control the conversation. If you are willing and able to listen to others more, you will develop much stronger bonds and closer relationships.
3. Engage in Dialogues, Not Arguments Healthy relationships built on good communication are not built through winning arguments. If you find yourself regularly engaging in arguments – pull away to focus on what is important in the conversation. Engage in a dialogue by asking questions to identify the other person’s perspective and express your perspective in non-judgmental language.
4. Avoid Gossiping About Others Listening to, and participating in, gossip about the failures of other people gives power to the negative energy that weakens your relationships. Do not give negative energy power over your relationships!
5. Know When to Keep Silent Just as the negative reactions others voice to you affect your emotional bio-chemicals, you also affect the emotional bio-chemicals of others when you voice negative opinions of their lives. If you think a friend has a bad idea, don’t always argue against it – it is not your responsibility to always have the right answer.
6. Right Motive of Oneness Healthy communication is based in absolute respect for the other person’s thoughts and feelings, and a desire to understand their perspective and needs. This develops a feeling of oneness in communication and focuses the relationship on love and caring – not personal gain. To foster these relationships, be sure that your communication comes from the right motive of achieving oneness with the person you are communicating with. This includes sometimes agreeing to disagree.
7. Laugh and Laugh Often! Lighten your load and life by laughing and laughing often. Don’t take situations or yourself too seriously, be willing to laugh at yourself, and don’t over-analyze your relationships. When you are light-hearted and full of laughter – people will naturally gravitate towards communication with you!
8. Check Your Body Language You can say a lot to others without ever speaking. Your body language, facial expressions and the tone of your voice are all just as important to pay attention to as the words you speak. Self-awareness of your body language is extremely important in order to communicate effectively. Are you listening with your body or just your ears? Do you keep your body open to the other person or are there physical barriers between you? What kind of eye contact do you make? Is your voice too loud or too quiet? Do you convey tension and stress or relaxed openness with your body? Evaluate your body language carefully – you might be surprised to discover that the signals you are sending are not what you intend to!
9. Aim for Some Detachment The goal of effective communication is to convey your needs and understand the needs of others. Too much attachment to your perspective in a conversation and dialogue cannot achieve this – aim for an objective view of your communication that is detached enough to allow for the understanding that the people you communicate with are allowed to be who they are, in the way that they are. You just need to get to know them, and you cannot do this without detachment from your own perspective!
